i don't deserve you
by shwngla
Summary: After his guilt lands Damon into a catatonic state, the people he loves fights to get him back. But when all else fells its up to Bonnie to bring him back with the two things he didn't know he needed, her forgiveness and love. (my own version of the events that took place in 8.14 and after)


**AN: As if I need to write more stories when I haven't updated the ones I have in a while, right? and dont get me wrong I loved almost everything in 8.14 but I hate everything after that outside of the dance we got in 8.15. And since tvd is ending I see no reason why we cant keep the love for bamon going now that the evil will be defeated?**

If she had her magic or at least some damn matches she probably would have started a fire by now. It was too dark and she was pretty sure she just walked blindly into the Salvatore crypt. The wind picked up causing Bonnie to wrap her arms around herself, she looked to the right side of the crypt where Elena's coffin should've been and saw nothing.

"If you're thinking about showing up here just to hold that boy's hand I suggest you turn right back around."

Bonnie froze at the familiar voice, she waited for them to show themselves, her green eyes filled with tears instantly "Grams?"

Sheila smiled at her granddaughter "Come give me a hug baby."

The tears were flowing before Bonnie even got to her "I missed you so much grams."

Sheila held Bonnie a little tighter when she felt the small girl trembling in her arms "I know baby, I missed you too." she pulled back so she could get a good look at her grandbaby who's grown so much since she last saw her "Look at you."

Bonnie smiled nervously still not use to being the center of someone's attention "Not that I'm complaining but what are you doing here?"

"The same reason you are, but not for the same reasons."

Brow furrowed "I don't understand."

Sheila shook her head "I don't have time to explain. I just want you to know that I'm proud of you, Bonnie and the woman you've become. Your smart, beautiful and more than capable of making your own decisions, so don't be ashamed of who you've chosen to fall in love with."

Bonnie dropped her eyes forgetting how well Grams could read her, Sheila lifted her chin so she could look at her "You know how I feel about him but your feelings has changed haven't they?"

"Vampires have done nothing but bring pain and loss into my life, I know that. But that's my life. Everyone I care about is a vampire, I'm in love with a vampire, Grams. Enzo is _—_ "

"Enzo seems like a decent man. But I wasn't talking about him baby."

Bonnie placed a piece of hair behind her ear, she was quiet for a while but said "We haven't spoken much lately, I'm not even sure if we're still friends."

Sheila nodded "That's because you're not. You're more than that and it's not fair to Enzo or anyone else if you don't find out what that is."

"Are you encouraging me to go after Damon Salvatore?"

Sheila laughed "Child no, I'm saying it's time for Bonnie to put Bonnie first, don't you agree?"

"It's not that simple, I love Enzo and he's in love with Elena and things between us aren't bad but they aren't good. Like I said we haven't spoken much."

"Who fault is that." Sheila said eyeing Bonnie.

Bonnie shrugged "Mine I guess, I thought distance was what we needed and Enzo doesn't have anyone else to love him and be there for him."

"He also doesn't need you treating him like an obligation. How is that fair to anyone?"

She guess it wasn't.

Bonnie smiled. Her green eyes still shining with unshed tears "I love you so much Grams."

"I know that too, and I love you more. But you and I both know that, that boy won't respond to handholding so don't take it easy on him. He fights you, you fight back longer and harder than he does. You're a Bennett witch no one is as stubborn and more determined than we are."

"A Bennett, but not a witch. I lost my magic again." she was almost ashamed to admit that to her grams.

Sheila tilted her head a little "You're never without magic Bonnie, you just have to dig a little deeper to obtain it."

"That's not cryptic at all."

"I wish I could explain more but I think he needs you." she pointed her in head in the direction of the door of the crypt,

Bonnie opened her mouth to say more but was interrupted by the reason she was here to begin with.

"Look who decided to pay little ole me a visit."

Bonnie pivoted almost elegantly on her feet at the sound of his voice, she looked around seeing him nowhere in sight "You sound surprise?"

"I didn't think you cared all that much."

Bonnie pushed the hair out of her face "Not imparticuliarly, no. Honestly, I didn't think it was all that necessary to jump into your mind."

"You don't think it will work?"

Bonnie shrugged "I don't know. I'm just not interested in literally being inside your head like some science project."

"Afraid of what you'll find?"

Arch brow rose "I highly doubt I'll find anything you didn't already angst over or tried to use as the reason you do terrible shit."

 _Silence._

Hating how much her words still affected him he gritted out "If that's all you think you'll find then why the hell are you here?"

Bonnie took a step in the direction she heard him most "Stefan, was unavailable. Well, more like unwilling. So Caroline thought I should give it a go to see what happens."

Bonnie didn't know why he was being so ominous but when he didn't immediately respond she kept walking in the direction she last heard him "Why so quiet? I didn't offend you did I?"

She didn't really care if she did, Bonnie just needed him to keep talking.

"I think we're way passed offensive in this point of our relationship don't you think? Especially now that your british boy toy is in the picture."

Bonnie froze "What does Enzo have to do with this?"

"How was Paris by the way?" He asked a question of his own "I hope it didn't rain on your parade."

"It didn't, we enjoyed ourselves, I enjoyed myself."

Damon nodded "You slept easier knowing you no longer had to deal with my bullshit, I'm thrilled for you." he said stepping out of the shadows.

Damon didn't look any different to Bonnie outside of the bruises on his face, proof that he and someone's fist had a conversation that Damon obviously came up short in. So she didn't understand why he was hiding.

Bonnie caught the tail end of his sarcasm and folded her arms over chest "My choices were either a trip to Paris or your bullshit angst. I chose Paris, at least I've never seen Paris."

Damon snorted "It makes sense, you're tired of my ass and couldn't wait to turn your back on it. It explains why you chose Enzo over me." The bitterness of that blow still leaving a salty taste in his mouth.

Bonnie blinked not understanding where the sudden third degree about her motives as far as he was concerned even came from. She was here to _fix_ him, salvage whatever's left of his humanity.

Bonnie looked at Damon for a second, it all started making sense. She's a part of his guilt, apart of his humanity. Damon thinking she abandoned him was one of the reasons why he was making it difficult to connect with her.

"I didn't chose Enzo over you."

Damon flashed in front of Bonnie "That's exactly what you did."

Bonnie shook her head "I chose to save Enzo's life, you were going to kill him Damon."

"That was the game and you lost. You proved to Sybil and to me that you valued someone who manipulated themselves into your life when I left your ass high and dry and to reward him you spread your legs like some little slut." he sneered in her face.

Bonnie couldn't stop her hand if she wanted, she delivered a closed fist to the side of Damon's face.

Damon laughed turning his head back in her direction "You can hit me all you want but you and I both know you wouldn't have looked at Enzo twice if I stayed with you that night four years ago,"

Bonnie was so pissed off her breathing started to labor, she took a step back when she felt that familiar spark she hasn't felt since she was a witch underneath her fingertips, "You were a coward, but some how you're throwing that back in _my_ face?" Bonnie took a deep breath, she needed to calm down "You need to snap the hell out of whatever it is that Sybil trapped you in. Stefan needs you."

Damon walked away from Bonnie "Stefan needs his humanity back, Caroline and Elena are the keys to that."

Bonnie disagreed "We don't have Elena and Caroline tried that, you're his only hope."

Damon stared at Bonnie for a while "Is he worth it?"

Bonnie blinked at the question "Honestly, no. But Caroline loves him and wants to marry him so _—_ "

Damon laughed, I mean really laughed with all of his teeth on full on display. It wasn't the first time Bonnie seen him laugh like that. In fact she felt some kind of way knowing that she was the reason all few times. "I meant Enzo."

 _Oh._

Bonnie sighed "I love him Damon."

Damon nodded "Like you love me?"

 _Silence_

 _More Silenc_ e.

"Its different. I don't know how, but it is. I just know that I don't love him in the way that I love you."

Both of Damon's brows shot up at hearing the double meaning behind her word choice "I need you to forgive me."

"I forgave you for leaving me, Damon."

"No, you didn't, not completely. But I don't need you to forgive me for that." he went silent for a while "Sheila and Abby were _—_ "

Bonnie held up a hand while trying to steady herself. All of sudden she was feeling a little light headed with the change in subject "We're not talking about my family." she warned.

Damon walked towards her again slowly as Bonnie backed up towards the opposite wall "I was willing to do anything to get Katherine back and to ensure that Elena made it out alive I didn't think about what it would cost you."

"You knew it would cost me everything, you just didn't care. My mom and grams did not factor into that nice little safe zone you had for Katherine and Elena at my expense. Their lives didn't matter because I didn't matter."

Damon swallowed "Bonnie, had I known that Sheilla _—_ "

"Stop," she yelled wiping the tears away, she didn't even realize she was crying "She was all that I had. I didn't know what the hell was happening to me, I was terrified. But because of you and that bitch Katherine, I lost everything. Do you understand that?"

Bonnie wasn't a crier at least not in public, when they were stuck in the prison world he use to hear Bonnie cry in different parts of the house where she thought she was alone for the first three weeks of being stuck together. After awhile she just cried herself asleep in her room.

Damon could admit that it was hard to look at her when she was like this, she looked small and fragile like anything could hurt right now and anything did, "I'm sorry, you don't want to hear this but I'm _so_ sorry Bonnie." he said finally looking at her.

Bonnie couldn't look at him either too afraid to see that he was full of shit "You need to come back, Stefan needs you."

But Damon wasn't having any of that shit. He walked up to her, cupping the side of her face "Look at me," after a few silent seconds she finally did reluctantly he noticed "I'm sorry, I hurt you. I'm sorry about Abby, I'm about Sheila, I'm sorry about leaving you _—_ "

Bonnie tried to push him away from her but he held strong "I'm sorry, Bonnie. You may never believe that but I am."

She did believe him. But she wasn't here for that. "Stefan needs you."

"You said that already." He gritted out.

"So does that mean you're coming back?"

Damon searched her green eyes, after crying Bonnie's eyes always appeared lighter to him this time was no exception "I can't save Stefan, if that's the only reason you're here you wasted your time."

"Stefan needs his brother, Damon. Caroline tried to reach him but it's not working soit's up to you."

Damon wanted to strangle Bonnie, he really did "Try to understand this. I am not the key to getting Stefan back" he pointed to his bruised face "even in the state I'm in, I tried and failed. Stefan needs more than a dose of brotherly love."

Feeling drained Bonnie crossed her arms over her chest "You still need to come back either way but I can't hold your hand, Damon. That's the last thing you need."

"I never asked you to be my fucking babysitter Bonnie. I just want you to care." He practically yelled.

Bonnie's eyes narrowed at his tone "I do care, I've always cared. If I didn't I wouldn't be here."

Damon clapped the sarcasm crisp as the night air "Well, you got me there Bon Bon."

Bonnie was done playing this game with him, she decided to take a different approach "If you want my forgiveness, then prove it to me by coming back to me."

Damon's eyes widen a little not at the command but the sentiment behind it.

Happy she got his attention she slowly walked towards him until they were practically chest to chest. Bonnie tilted her head up to get a good look at him "I love you Damon, you know that. But I don't know where we stand and since you're hell bent on staying like this I will never find out."

To Bonnie's own surprise she leaned up on her toes and kissed him lightly on the lips.

Before they both knew it they were catapulted back into reality.

Damon and Bonnie just stared at each other.

Sybil smirked "I thought you said there was nothing going on between you and Damon?"

Bonnie dragged her eyes away from Damon, the look she gave Sybil was enough for the siren to zip her mouth shut.

Caroline looked at the three of them "What's going on?"

Bonnie ignored her "I have to get home and shower. I have to be at work tomorrow" she said backing away from Damon "I've taken way too many sick days and I'm pretty sure my boss thinks I'm the outbreak monkey in human form."

Caroline chuckled.

Damon grabbed her hand yanking her back to him "We're not done."

Bonnie swallowed seeing the intent in his blue eyes "What matters is that you came back."

Damon nodded, thinking about Kai's words "I always come back."

Bonnie smiled a little "I know."

Sybil shook her head already seeing the puzzle Caroline was slowly putting together in her head, her plan was to kill her sister and leave town. But now after seeing Bonnie and Damon together. she had a whole other reason to call Mystic Falls home.

She thought looking intently at Bonnie.

 **AN: Alright guys let me know what you think about this one. Are you interested? or do I stop here? Drop me a line in the reviews.**


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